Peculia Juliar
People are strange . . . and I just happen to be a people! [Not to be confused with “people-person”] . . . Clearly, I have more issues than Newsweek™:
I cannot write without a cap on the end of a pen [with the exception of push-pens].
I have a really hard time remembering to close my (parentheses.
I dislike round tables. I know this because my dining table is round and I would rather eat standing up at the kitchen counter.
I cannot drink iced-beverages without a straw.
It bothers me when the inner cardboard cylinder from a roll of toilet paper is visible in the rubbish bin.
I have to cut off the side and bottom crusts on regular bread … and yet, I carve out the insides of rolls and eat the shell.
I wear rubber gloves to clean or wash dishes … and latex gloves when preparing food — even sammiches!!
I just love the word “buffalo” and I don’t know why.
While I have a lovely speaking voice and can [sometimes] sing perfect sound bites, I simply cannot carry a tune in a bucket — despite that my father is a singer.
I honestly cannot for the life of me imitate a basic American accent.
I will make a drink coaster from a sheet of paper towel and re-use it multiple times; yet I will use reams of paper towels for everything else.
I dislike the word “turd” and I don’t know why.
I am lactose-intolerant, caffeine-intolerant, size-intolerant, and jerk-intolerant.
I put paper towels on the kitchen counter when I make sammiches; even though I have just scrubbed the counter to surgical standards … yet if I drop a food morsel on the uncleaned floor I will often pick it up and eat it.
I avoid dusting with a passion that defies all logic considering how obsessively neat and clean I am.
I cannot write in a straight line. Even when using lined paper I tend to stray all over the place.
I absolutely hate cooked carrots, celery, and apples . . . but will not eat raw tomatoes.
In some sort-of reverse-cross-economising method, I re-use my [free] plastic grocery bags; however, if they have holes in them then I first mend them with [paid-for] tape.
I don’t even want to think about the phrase “buffalo turd”.
I cannot bear to throw dead flowers in the rubbish. Instead, I have a little flower cemetery in the bushes outside.
I have not had a partner-induced orgasm since 1995 . . . hence the random spot of faking . . . only more like regular than random. Well, regular when I was still having sex.
I have an almost phobic fear of dropping my keys in a grate. Even if the keys are in my bag. And the pocket is zipped closed. And the bag is inside the house.
I sleep in 2-3 hour increments; I can only dream of how it must feel to sleep through the night.
The phonetic title for this article is how I actually pronounce those words. [That’s a soft “r”.]
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May 29th, 2007 at 11:06 am
1995?
May 29th, 2007 at 11:08 am
Barry: Yes, 1995. I knew I should have taken your name off the mailing list for this one.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:10 am
Barry, if you’d like I can show you ‘the move”. Just make sure you end with the swirl.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:10 am
In 1995, I was a virgin…
May 29th, 2007 at 11:13 am
Um. First of all, lady, if you’re going to get all worked up about people saying “British accents”, then I’m going to have to point out that there is no “American accent.” There are the various types of southern accents, mid-western accents, New England accents, etc., etc. SO THERE.
If it makes you feel any better (and why wouldn’t it?), I’ll throw away a perfectly good pen if I lose the lid because I can’t write without them, either.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:21 am
Oh My Gawd…………I just love you ! You make me smile………….and to comment on one of your earlier blogs…….about guys ‘overstepping those boundaries’ ….. I had a weekend visit from a very young ( 39 ) , very good FRIEND of mine from Houston……….who I was so happy to see …..but have no romantic ideas of him……………well…other than the fantasy that I have of ANY handsome man that enters my circle ………. anyway, I’ve known this guy for 10 years and he’s never put a move on me before this past weekend…………….and at first , I was annoyed …………now I am very pleasantly proud that he has had fantasies of me for years………..I’m Fifty Freakin Five , for gawd’s sakes !!! I have found my ego has been pumped to unbelievable heights !!! Don’t burst my bubble yet………..give me a couple of more days to gloat…………………….
May 29th, 2007 at 11:25 am
and I forgot to tell you…my middle son, James (29) can mimmick any type of accent……………and keeps us in stitches as he does so……he is ever so talented, as well as drop dead Handsome…………
May 29th, 2007 at 11:36 am
Andria: you silly hoar! “American accent” is perfectly valid … and English accents range just as much due to geography/education/social class.
Cat: You go girl!! I sometimes don’t mind if a YOUNG, GOOD-LOOKING friend comes on to me … as long as they don’t whine when I turn them down.
May 29th, 2007 at 12:01 pm
……………….oh , he whined…………….but it was a cute whine……….and I *hope* I don’t regret that I turned him down down the line somewhere in my future…………..
May 29th, 2007 at 12:06 pm
“… just make sure you end with the swirl.” BRILLIANT Seinfeld reference, The Voice Guy!
1995 WAS a great year … the year I moved to Houston AND my divorce was final. Looks like we should have a yearly celebration, Julia! ha-ha
Smooches!
May 29th, 2007 at 2:32 pm
I’ve never faked an orgasm in my life. If the guy didn’t get me there then he didn’t get me there. I’ve never felt the need to not hurt the poor guys’ feelings. I mean, there’s always next time, right?
And Andria’s right, there is no “American” accent. It’s either Southern, or Yankee, or So Cal, or Maine, or Boston, or New Yawk (or Joisey). Then there’s the differences between the Southern accents; I can tell the Georgia from the Arkansas from the NC from the Tennessee accents.
So there.
May 29th, 2007 at 2:35 pm
Holy Crap you’re weird!
Just kidding but those are some very particular particulars Juliar!
P.S. I HATE cooked carrots - YUCK! (god, we’re so alike, I mean, we could be twins ;O)
May 29th, 2007 at 3:32 pm
WarCry: now both Andria AND you are wrong. “American accent” refers to a range of accents for a COUNTRY. Great Britain consists of several countries, each one of which has its own array of accents. I can’t believe I am having to educate a teacher. :P
FunkyBee: I got yer twins right HERE!
May 29th, 2007 at 5:48 pm
In 1995, I was ten. Or maybe eleven. It depends on the time of the year. I think I would have much rather been older and having orgasms. Yeah, definitely.
Where the hell was I?
It’s okay that you can’t do a standard American accent, I probably couldn’t imitate your accent, either. Well, I could try, but you’d laugh yourself sick. *grin*
Oh, and you like the word “buffalo” because it’s alternately adorable and strange. At least, that’s why I like it. I remember once going through a phase where I renamed every particularly large member of a species. I once saw a large sheep that was christened a “sheepalo.” My Chow-Chow was called a “fluffalo.” You get it.
I’m going to go… away.
May 29th, 2007 at 11:29 pm
Just bought a round pub table. I wouldn’t sit at the rectangular one because I couln’t see out the window at the birds on the feeders. New table will be tall enough that I can perch and watch the birds.
I’m awful with punctuation and have run on sentences
I don’t mind drinking out of a can but I must have a straw.
I can never eat anything that fell on the floor as the dogs beat me to it.
I found your site from Nightmare’s.
May 30th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I don’t like cooked carrots either, and I don’t like tomatoes at all.
And your kats don’t eat the floor crumbs? Mine practically camp out in the kitchen waiting for me to drop something, and if I do not comply, at least one of them will attempt to jump on the counter…
May 30th, 2007 at 10:38 am
Spyder: welcome aboard! that’s the only Nightmare that I enjoy. Can I have your old table? My kats think your bird-watching sounds really cool.
Loopy: my kats are strictly forbidden to be in the kitchen. Which means the neighbours can hear me regularly commanding: “get OUT of the kitchen!” They don’t dare get near the counters though thanks to Mr. Water Spray Bottle.
May 31st, 2007 at 7:38 pm
I just want everyone to know that I have NEVER faked an ejaculation. Everything after that was faked however.
June 2nd, 2007 at 7:13 am
Sorry Kurves! I’ve all ready promised it to someone else.
June 3rd, 2007 at 4:06 am
“I have an almost phobic fear of dropping my keys in a grate. Even if the keys are in my bag. And the pocket is zipped closed. And the bag is inside the house.”
ME TOO!!! wtf?! claudius is making typing difficult. must go.