As I may have mentioned a time or ten, I have been working the second-shift at a temp job for the past several weeks. My coworkers in this particular department are just the most delightful ladies you can imagine. When I first started the assignment it took me a couple of days to get accustomed to the environment and to the way things work around here just because everybody is so pleasant! I have managed, thus far, to not release a thunderous belch followed by a dainty “pardon me!”. I have also somehow refrained from using the fuck-word in their presence; although, I am hoping that none of them have bat-like hearing as I have breathed the word somewhat under my breath and almost-silently at times. These sweet ladies are in their 50s and they are all quite religious — Christians, if you must know. They have no idea that I am a hedonistic atheist have not been in a church for so long that I would be afraid the holy water would boil when I walked past, as I have found no reason to share that tidbit. Instead, I mentioned in passing that I was christened in the Church of England. What? It’s true! It’s even on my birth certificate!! Plus I am a very spiritual person; I just detest religion. These ladies, though, are not at all preachy and they are very sincere and non-judgmental. They are what Christians should be, but which the vast majority, sadly, are not. One of the church ladies [”CL”] has been married to a now-retired minister for 28 years, but she is truly one of the most interesting people I have ever met. She used to be a cop; she had “many boyfriends” before she married at age 30; she went to Iraq to work for a month and had to sleep in body armour; she will wash her grandchildrens’ mouths out with liquid soap but still they howl in misery when she is not with them; she told me the other day that since there was no regulation at this firm regarding showing tattoos that I could wear shorter dresses to work if I wanted to … and she wears the most outrageously wild nail polish colours! I have contributed a couple of new ones to her collection, today she is wearing a rather fetching bright metallic green. Much to my bittersweet excited disappointment, CL has accepted a job at her church, which means I am getting her job. I suspect she is really leaving because she is tired of having to perform exorcisms around my work area. I sincerely hope she one day writes her memoirs. By way of example, here are some of the conversations we have had during the evening hours:

CL: I’m thinking about getting my hair cut.
DK: You just had it cut about a month ago!
CL: I know, I’m just impatient. Here, what do you think of this style?
DK: You have a Concealed Weapons Permit????!!!
CL: Well, I do a lot of driving, you know.
DK: Oh, right . . . and you used to be a cop, I remember.
CL: So, do you have your permit yet?
DK: Nope, I don’t have the money right now. So, what kind of gun do you have?
CL: I have a revolver … but I really like the semi-automatics, that’s what I tested with.
DK: Yeah, I have a Glock, but I started out with a Taurus .22, went to a S&W .38, then traded that with an Austin cop for a 9mm Sig Saeur, sold that and eventually got to the Glock.
CL: What’s the calibre on that?
DK: .40 cal.
CL: The only problem I have is with loading the magazines. It hurts my thumbs!
DK: Me too!! But when you buy a new Glock, they include a magazine loader thingie.
CL: Cool. Let’s see if we can find one online . . .

DK: How come you haven’t worn that new nail polish I gave you?
CL: I was going to last weekend, but my mom wouldn’t let me.
DK: You’re 58!!
CL: [laughing] We had a special church event that night.

CL: I was at the supermarket with my son-in-law, each of us carrying a bottle of wine, and he got carded. I told the cashier that I would be offended if he did not card me! So he asked to see my I.D.
DK: Say what? I thought Baptists were not allowed to drink?
CL: No, we’re not allowed to dance . . . [grin] which one would you choose?
DK: I think I’d choose to be an atheist.
CL: That’s a little difficult when you’re married to a minister.

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