Lift and Separate
Why the hell does it take people so long to exit an elevator? The process seems perfectly simple: you step in, punch the button for your floor, try to avoid eye contact with fellow travelers, clench your bum cheeks, the door opens, you exit. But, no, usually it’s more along the lines of: the door opens, there are people on the outside waiting to get in, the people on the inside just stand there like well-fed zombies blinking at the light. What the hell are they waiting for? a traffic light? an engraved invitation? Are they all momentarily brain-dead because somebody forgot the bum-clench rule and they’ve all been holding their breath for five minutes? Do they want the waiting passengers to step in first so as to block their exit? Are they some kind of retarded thrill-seekers who want the thrilling risk of getting trapped between the doors and potentially having a limb crushed? Are they simply stunned by the vision of my beauty? . . . I swear, I only flashed that one time!
Of late, I have become sorely tempted to start wind-milling one arm like a traffic cop while shouting COME ON NOW, MOVE ALONG!
January 25th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
What a tease, just once?
January 25th, 2008 at 3:28 pm
OMG! I had a similar experience the other night when trying to leave work!!! There was a guy and girl already in the elevator speaking to one another when I got in. Only two people, then me…First, the dumb whore wouldn’t MOVE so I could get in so I was basically on top of her b/c she was in an awkward spot. THEN when the doors opened at the garage level she blocks my path and continues to talk to the dorky guy while they slowly shuffle out of the elevator. I swear I almost swept the leg on her! I was so pissed. As I wizzed past her, not holding the door to the outside, I was definitely cursing under my breath. I HATE PEOPLE!
January 25th, 2008 at 3:57 pm
Really? My experience and pet peeve is just the opposite. Namely, those mouth breathers who try to push themselves into the car right away before I can get out.
Sometimes just as the elevator is coming to a stop I’ll stand right up against the doors, big old bald me, and when the door opens and they try to rush on, they almost run into a scowling me, and it startles the hell out of them.
January 25th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Could you let me know which lift you’re going to be on when you decide to flash again? I’d certainly appreciate it! heh
January 25th, 2008 at 4:36 pm
We don’t got upstairs in Louisiana.
January 28th, 2008 at 10:35 am
I’m with Senior Fabuloso on this. At least at my current building, people pounce and attempt to enter as soon as the doors start parting. Personally just grumble “excuse me” and march thru/over them.
N }:-
January 29th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
That’s why I take the stairs.
That and the fact that I work on the 1st floor of a one story building.
January 29th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
HRT: You’re alive! But, are you blogging? I guess I could just go and look for myself . . .