Man-nerisms
Dear Missed Manners:
At the end of a first date with a person of the female gender (but same species), is it appropriate to ask said person if they would like to have a second date?
~Uncertain in Texass
Dear Uncertain:
For over an hour, you rambled cheerfully away about your boyhood bug collection. You dribbled salad dressing on your chin while chewing with your mouth open. You listed your favourite porn films while in the same breath you mentioned three times how devoted you are to your Dear Old Mum. In the meantime, your date has sat quietly by giving consideration to slashing her wrist with the butter knife. She has mentally questioned your evolutionary placement in the species. Her eyes have glazed over. She has barely managed to swallow her screams. Her facial muscles have frozen into a Botox-like mask from the 60 minutes of verbal diarrhea you have splattered upon your captive audience. As you leave the restaurant and she starts to sprint towards her car, you call after her “So, shall we do this again?” It might be better if you were to cut out your tongue and send it to her wrapped in lilac tissue paper.
~Missed Manners
August 8th, 2005 at 2:27 pm
(Comments copied over from LiveJournal):
yeahimadork
2005-04-26 20:59
So… is that a no, then? Now I know why all those guys never ask me out on second dates. Note to self: I must stop talking about my porn collection with dribbled, um, salad dressing on my chin.
Andria
Bill
2005-04-26 22:49
That’s not salad dressing…
yeahimadork
2005-04-26 23:02
Bill, I have *no idea* just what you are referring to.
danjeruskurves
2005-04-27 15:37
I love you … you twisted hoar!
Bill
2005-04-26 22:50
It’s like you were on that date with me or something. :-)
wombatcity
2005-04-26 23:09
I can also verify from personal experience that you will never, ever get a second date if you start talking about concealed graves upstate…
(Anonymous)
2005-04-26 23:40
You’ll get a second date if she’s a cop!
(don’t ask)
danjeruskurves
2005-04-27 15:38
Yah I got “dumped” after one date for merely pointing out that there aren’t any less female serial killers, we’re just too smart to get caught.
surlycanadian
2005-04-27 07:00
Generally, they’re not interested in second dates if you tell them what you want to do to the waitress and her sweet ass.
danjeruskurves
2005-04-27 15:41
I knew I shouldn’t have taken you to that transvestite bar! He/She *did* have a sweet arse though.
Oh, and welcome back Cole … your surly presence in my Comments has been dearly missed. :-D
lawless1
2005-04-27 11:18
Yeah, I had a date like that once only the guy told me I had nice, big hips. When I gave him a puzzled look he said “they’re good for birthing babies”.
BYE!
danjeruskurves
2005-04-27 15:40
I wasn’t really actually on a date any time recently, you all know damn well nobody will go out with me! Truthfully, one of my guyfriends actually asked me that question …. and I tried to explain it from both viewpoints … (1) don’t put the girl on the spot, and (2) girls hate when you ask for a follow-up date and then don’t follow-up!
Andy
2005-04-27 13:17
Dear vacuous date from hell with the nice boobs….
You know, you said you were interested in my bug collection. To be honest, I didn’t know what to say after you told me you just got over a nasty head lice problem. I was grasping to try and have a nice dinner. I was just trying to make conversation.
And I just assumed you wanted to hear my top ten porn movies. After all, you did mention repeatedly how back in the early 80’s you starred in several gonzo porn movies under the name of “Chrissy Jissguzzeler”.
To be quite honest, I didn’t much care for your thinly disguised questions about how much I made a year. Or your innuendos that my penis may not be large. I have e-mailed you several pictures of it. How come you never reply?
I only mentioned my mom, because you remind me of her, ALOT.
Anyhow, I did drop $250 on dinner, I apologized for hitting on the barmaid, and I didn’t even get to first base. You have a wonderful set of ta-ta’s and after our date I did go home and masturbate furiously while thinking about you and your sweet, sweet ass and the barmaid.
Anyhow, if you don’t want to go out again, can I have your sister’s number?
Regards,
Andy a-la Rickscafe
danjeruskurves
… I’m sure that you, of all people, understand what it must be like to feel size-inferior.
2005-04-27 15:44
I’m sorry about being so bitter. To be honest, I’m experiencing a brutal case of banana-envy as my neighbour’s bananas are literally about FOUR times the size of mine.
My sister was the transvestite barmaid. Here’s his/her number though:
976-NICE-ASS
Andy
2005-04-27 19:24
976-Nice-Ass,
you know, I’m getting really tired paying you $3.99 per minute just to have you talk dirty to me. You’d think I’d get a frequent caller discount, or something….
And don’t be jealous about your neighbor. They may have a nice banana, but you have a lovely set of coco-nuts.
danjeruskurves
2005-04-28 00:31
You mean all this time we’ve been discussing the best bleaches and other laundry methods, that was “talking dirty”??? Oh, and I am not going to get any milk out of these coconuts!
Andy
2005-04-28 15:05
ohhh yea….bleach. that’s it…fabric softner….un huh…spin cycle! spin cycle! SPIN CYCLE baby.!!!!!!!! Yea.
Smokes cig
Wash, rinse repeat.
danjeruskurves
2005-04-28 15:54
OHHHHHHHH… so THAT’s what guys mean when they say I’m a “spinner”!!!
Andy
2005-04-28 16:58
Yea. That’s why. %^)
lawless1
2005-04-28 21:02
BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
Um, er….ding dong?
I’m a danjeruscurves virgin (Anonymous)
2005-04-29 12:06
So I swung in here after Mary Alice left a link at her dojo…
I laughed so much that you made me late for work. You bum.
oooh. And I just noticed that you have mu IP address.
Um.
Wicked.
Re: I’m a danjeruskurves virgin
(Anonymous)
2005-04-29 12:08 (from 64.229.143.66) (link) Select
It a;so appears that I have no fundamental social graces - the type that would include spelling your name right.
*wipes dribbled peanut butter from chin*
http://procrasto.diaryland.com
Re: I’m a danjeruskurves virgin
danjeruskurves
2005-04-29 13:37
Welcome to my World … I’ll be [stalking you] visiting yours shortly. Oh, and apparently, *I* can’t spell my name either … ;-D
Re: I’m a danjeruscurves virgin
danjeruskurves
2005-04-29 13:48
Same IP? we must be neighbours! if I follow you home, will you keep me?