Child Care
This was a rather mature discussion I had with a guyfriend regarding his work travel and his babysitting needs for his 5-yr old son:
DanjerusKurves: and what would you do with the child if you went out of town?
CaptainQuase: if i had the boy i’d simply tell them I couldn’t go…
DanjerusKurves: and that won’t affect your job?
CaptainQuase: or… possibly… after he got settled with me, find someone to keep him…
DanjerusKurves: like me?
CaptainQuase: noooooo.. not like you…
CaptainQuase: someone responsible
DanjerusKurves: I’m great with kids I’ll have you know
CaptainQuase: you probably are… for brief stretches 
DanjerusKurves: I can grill ‘em, fry ‘em, broil ‘em
CaptainQuase: doubt you’d like having one underfoot for a whole week
DanjerusKurves: he wouldn’t be underfoot while locked in the closet
CaptainQuase: I know, but the constant beating on the door would make you think you were in the freaking congo
DanjerusKurves: I can crank the stereo as well as anybody
CaptainQuase: you have neighbors
DanjerusKurves: and concrete fire walls
CaptainQuase: oh.. well, okay..i’ll keep you in mind
DanjerusKurves: thanks… as you can see, I have this well planned
CaptainQuase: mmm hmm… you wouldn’t let him see your pornos, would you?
DanjerusKurves: don’t be ridiculous
DanjerusKurves: he’d be wearing a blindfold the entire time
CaptainQuase: of course
CaptainQuase: what about food? he’s a pretty picky eater
DanjerusKurves: you’ll only be gone a week, why does he need to eat?
CaptainQuase: he sleeps better on a full tummy
DanjerusKurves: then I’ll let him lay across me after I have dinner
CaptainQuase: careful… he gets hungry enough he’ll try to suckle… he’s not so old he’s forgotten that
DanjerusKurves: are you trying to get me to pay to have him here?
CaptainQuase: i think you’re confused about the term “hot mama” …
CaptainQuase: i’m feeling so good today… i oughta fuck something
DanjerusKurves: who the hell would want to have sex with you?
CaptainQuase: FO
DanjerusKurves: I WIN!!!
August 8th, 2005 at 12:33 pm
(Comments copied over from LiveJournal):
surlycanadian
2005-05-01 22:51
Boy, you’re quick with the smartassed answers, now arent you? If only there was some sort of way you could make money off of a skill like that.
danjeruskurves
2005-05-02 01:19
Being a smartarse is only one of the wonderful things I can do with my mouth. Unfortunately, I don’t get paid for any of the other things either … unless you are offering? ;-)
yeahimadork
2005-05-02 04:09
I am so glad to see there are others out there with the same child care principles that I have.
danjeruskurves
2005-05-02 13:35
You can’t just go around randomly having principles!!
Nightmare54
2005-05-02 12:27
She can use that to get paid! It is called “Morning Show host” on any radio station on the FM dial range.
danjeruskurves
2005-05-02 13:36
oh godde, I am NOT a morning person … can I tape my segment at night?
wombatcity
2005-05-02 20:31
“I have nothing against children; I like children…I couldn’t eat a whole one, but I’d split one with you.” -Greg Proops
Best line ever.
lawless1
2005-05-03 16:02
You know, if you duct tape little mitties on his hands the pounding on the door isn’t that annoying.
Or so I’m told…*whistles aimlessly while looking at ceiling*