Danjerus Meanderings
Kudos for the Day:
Thanks to the Goddess-Hoar Andria, my missing CD of Tom Jones Greatest Hits has now been replaced with a freshly burned copy and delivered promptly into my sticky paws. I can hardly wait to get home and listen to it. But first, I must hunt down some panties … so that I can put them on … so that I can then peel them off and fling them at an imaginary concert stage while Fantasy-Still-Young-Tom gazes adoringly at the inner-whore that is me … Hm, maybe I should call him Mr. Jones since he is old enough to be my father. Then again, the next guy I bone is going to be young enough to be my son and I’ll be fulfilling his Mrs. Jones fantasy …
I just want to be clear that the only reason I put that last part in was because my girlfriend, Sallison (for privacy purposes, I cleverly disguised her name by adding a letter at the begining) mentioned to me at the pub last night that I haven’t been writing about sex lately. She went on to say how refreshing that was and how much more she has been enjoying my essays. So, that part was for her. Cheers Sallison!
Incidentally, the reason I haven’t been writing about sex is that I haven’t been having any. Not that I ever write about my real sex life on here anyway. Although making up the occasional outrageous lie regarding my imaginary sex life is certainly not beyond me. It’s all about the entertainment factor folks: suspension of disbelief. It does surprise me, however, that some of my smarter friends actually believe some of what I consider to be the more obvious fabrications [Tasteful Things]. Then again, what does it say about me that they would believe such things of me? What I have been having is huge hormonal shifts. I’ll write more about this later (maybe) but apparently I might be going into extremely premature men-on-pause. Needless to say, I haven’t been the easiest person to be around lately. But, if you think dealing with me is difficult, try being inside my head!! These mood swings are driving me batshit. OK … more batshit than usual. (Note, I did not write “normal”. You’re welcome.) It’s possible I may have somehow offended Aphrodite (Goddess of Love, Sex, and Family) by my months of celibacy because my usual clockwork “girl cycle” (nice euphemism, yes?) has gone haywire in the past several weeks. It’s one thing to get sick from a bug or to get sick from some stupid self-abuse like drinking too much. But, this feels like my body is betraying me from the inside and that hurts! So, bring on the progesterone so we can delay this eventually-inevitable life change. If I’m not going to look my age then I sure as hell am not going to start acting it!!!
Blonde Moment for the Day:
I had to replace the paper roll in my calculator today. It turned out to be a *lot* more complicated than I was expecting! I could *not* get the stupid paper to feed forward through the little slit in the back of the unit. Solution? plug the bloody power supply back in!!! Shut.Up.
Tip for the Day:
Peppermint Schnapps … for the nights when you want to get puking drunk but still have minty breath!
Quote for the Day:
Your daughter just got drunk at a party, made a slut of herself, and you’re worried about my religious beliefs?
Sweetness for the Day:
Speaking of Older Woman Fantasies … This is an excerpt from an email sent to me today by my sweet friend, Vern, who is, bless-his-heart, 23-years old. Allow me to preface the following quote by saying that I have not had ANY sort of romantic liaison with young Vern:
“It was great seeing you last night at the pub. Im sorry we didnt get to spend much time together. You are so beautiful and have such a glow in your eyes. Not too many people look up at me the way that you do when I hold you in my arms.”
Contrary to how it sounds, I was merely giving him a greeting hug … and the reason why I look up at him the way that I do? Because he is 6′6″ and I am 5′3″ in three-inch heels.
August 8th, 2005 at 11:58 am
(Comments copied over from LiveJournal):
yeahimadork
2005-05-27 17:41
I have totally thrown panties at Tom Jones concerts. Tom rules my world. The last time I saw him, I almost had to beat down a bunch of blue haired bitties that were hovering in front of the stage hoping Tom might pick of their geriatric asses to take home.
And, dahling, there is NOTHING wrong with boning a younger man. Not a damn thing. Tell him to pick up a cat for you at my place on the way. Nothing says “I can’t believe we’re finally meeting in person to get all freaky and nasty cause we’re in love and all” like a little furry fresh-faced kitten. Really. TAKE ONE.
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 18:32
Oh you Tom-hogging-hoar!! I hope I get to see him perform (heh) while he still has It.
Really. My house contains all the pussy it needs.
Xquzme, I’m bossy
2005-05-27 18:04
Ahem. [Here I am with my stern teacher-look on. Yes, my hands are even on my hips.] Please be VERY careful with hormone therapy, darlin’. There is SO much about it which suggest Very Bad Things might happen in the future (ref: my sister), so I just had to be bossy and point out that you should research the crud out of it before taking the plunge. Someone described hormone therapy as just an “ease into it” kind of drug to help your body adjust to Men-o-pause, but the end result is still the same. Personally I’m going for broke — bring it ON, I say, nightsweats and all. And, yeah… 20something boys. Aren’t they CUTE?! (geesh!) I’m sure you won’t have that kind of problem with your soon-to-be-visitor, which reminds me, I miss him!
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 18:34
Ugh … it’s not so much the going-through-the-changes part as the mood swings, the irregular periods, the potential loss of sex drive, my hair falling out … but yes, I’ve already started researching HRT.
Your little buddy has been busy moving house and has been offline … expect to catch sightings of him again any time now.
Rik
2005-05-27 19:38
DK, You’re a Cougar!! (http://www.urbancougar.com) Run with it! Prey. Just remember to catch AND release
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 19:44
OMG that is SO awesome! fits right in with my BlackWidow/KatLady Persona too!
lawless1
2005-05-27 19:45
I know exactly how you feel: Hubby is 6′7″ and I’m 5′4″. The heights are dizzying, yes?
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 19:58
My former husband is 6′4″ (as are several ex-bf’s) … I have no clue why I attract men over 6 feet. I *rarely* attract short guys, and by “short” I mean under 5′9″.
lawless1
2005-05-27 22:13
My idea of short is 5′11″ and under. Six feet tall? Oh yeah!
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 22:16
So your idea of “small” would be … 8″ and under? SIZE QUEEN!!
lawless1
2005-05-28 01:32
No fucking way! I’ve had 8″ before and it hurt. No thanks. I just like my men tall. Like the opposite of Tom Cruise…
danjeruskurves
2005-05-28 02:21
I think Tom Schnoz IS about 8″ tall isn’t he?
Andy
2005-05-27 19:54
Mrs. Robinson. Not Mrs. Jones.
See Mrs. Robinson was from “The Graduate” and is used to allude to an affair with a younger man. Mrs Jones is from the Bill Paul Song “Me and Mrs. Jones” , 1972, you should remember that, and is often used to allude to an affair with a married woman.
Sigh.
Re: Another blonde moment….
danjeruskurves
2005-05-27 20:01
LMAO … oopsie … of all the people, in all the blogs, in all the world wide web who missed that blunder, it had to be YOU who noticed it.
surlycanadian
2005-05-27 22:40
I’m going to have to stop reading the previous comments. It discourages me from saying things that come to me as I read your entry. Case-in-point: Mrs. Robinson. I was gonna comment about that, but due to my reading comments, I see someone else has.
Now I can’t just say it and claim to have thought I was offering a unique thought. Well… I COULD say that, but that wouldnt be very honest, now would it?
danjeruskurves
2005-05-28 02:20
If I were (more) evil, I’d sneak back and fix that little problem and leave YOU guys looking the fools … instead of me. :-D
wombatcity
2005-05-28 00:57
I’m one of the ’short’ ones. I’m only 5′9″ tall, but I’m used to it. I’m short, bitter sarcastic and oh so manly.
Height has never bothered me, I’ve dated women as short as 4′11″ and as tall as 6′. It was opretty cool, having my girlfriend towering over me like a model. I could tell that people were looking at us and thinking,” Why is that hot chick with that fat little guy? He must have a HUGE unit!” They’ll never know the REAL reason she stayed with me so long.
danjeruskurves
2005-05-28 02:22
If it’s cuz of what lies under your kilt, dahling, that’s what makes you really scary!