Greedy me, I want it all. I feel it is owed to me. I went out dancing on Friday, the same tired old crowd, the same tired old music. But I worked-up a sweat despite being really tired. I had gone to the dentist earlier that day because it was a paid holiday. Thank heaven for dental insurance and FLEX plans because $700 later I walked out with two temporary crowns and the knowledge that ALL of the large silver fillings in my back teeth are going to have to be crowned. That’s roughly five more large fillings. The problem is that after a number of years the fillings crack and your teeth become super-sensitive. You can have them re-filled, but a crown is permanent. Ergo. Of course, the insurance has an annual maximum of $1000 so I can only do so much at a time. One more reason to have to stick with the current crappy job for another year or more.

Last night, Saturday, I went to myPub™ for the first time in weeks. I was so warmly received that my usually long-lasting lipstick was kissed-off and I was hugged to rib-cracking degree! I spent a while sitting with my favourite 20something couple (who want me to photograph them in flagrante delicto!). Later I hung out at the bar with a small group of young guys and flirted my arse off much to mutual enjoyment all around. My drinks were paid-for and I came home feeling satisfied with my outing.

I have been highly productive this weekend; I even re-carpeted two of the kats’ scratching posts — which I do from time-to-time. The kats have been fed and brushed and all is seemingly well.

. . . Except . . . I haven’t seen my sister since I left England in late-1981. We’ve been in and out of touch over the years while she married and procreated and divorced and remarried and produced two more children and a second ex-husband. Children I have never met. One is now in his early 20s. The other two are 13-year old twins. For about a year now we have been in touch regularly because I decided it was simply unacceptable for us not to be. I am estranged from my parents and that is unlikely to change.

I just called my sister. Despite that I am horrifyingly broke right now, I still try to send home little care packages every three months or so. Just little things like Texas baseball caps or t-shirts; some socks and a pin from an animal rescue website; some of my articles and photos. So I called Lynne to let her know a package was on its way . . . and she had a housefull! I cornered my 13-year old niece for a minute and forced her to answer a few questions — she’s painfully shy so I usually just ask her general questions to get her to talk to me a little. Anyway, there was Lynne, her boyfriend, the twins, and her older son was on his way there. She had her hands full with making tea for everybody so she really couldn’t talk. The background sounded like happy pandemonium had broken loose. And now I’m sitting here blubbering like an overgrown baby because I’m NOT THERE with them. I want to be a part of my family. I want to be there to share the familial warmth that I have been denied for most of my life. But I am stuck right now and I cannot change that.

Greedy me, I want it all.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 23rd, 2008 at 2:20 pm and is filed under Private, Reflective. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.