Foul!
I like to think that I do not swear any more than the average truck driver person. For the sake of accurate reporting, I even ran a check on the Cuss-O-Meter to see if my writing contains a lot of swearing:
OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets
Foul language in general doesn’t particularly bother me [and I’m not talking about “Go suck eggs, you chicken!”]. The fuck-word is just a word. It is only irritating to me when fucking used as a fucking sentence fucking filler . . . [I will really have to re-run that Meter after I post this article!] . . . I really do try to watch my language, especially at work, on dates, and around children. Now and then, however, something will tumble out of my mouth that even takes ME by surprise. It turns out that I am not as embarrassment-proof as I thought. Case in point, a recent conversation in the kitchen at work with one of my young female readers.
| Coworker: | I’m tired. |
| DK: | I’m tired of this place! |
| Coworker: | Oh yeah, that too. |
| DK: | I’m also really tired of the noise level at my desk, sitting outside the men’s bathroom, the printers always running, and more than anything the number of fucking people who stomp across my plastic chair mat and stand at the printer with their arse literally six inches from my bloody face!!!! |
| Coworker: | [giggle] . . . Well, that could be a good thing depending on who it is! |
| DK: | Trust me, dahling, it wouldn’t matter if it was Brad Pitt. The only way I would want his arse six inches from my face would be if I was sucking his cock! |
. . . DK freezes in silent embarrassment as Coworker skips away laughing.
I suppose I shouldn’t really be embarrassed. I maintain a super-secret email-delivery-only service for sending my articles to those whom I do not wish to visit my actual website, as well as those who cannot visit my website due to familial or job restrictions. Half a dozen of my current coworkers are on that list [hi!!], including Coworker mentioned above, and they’ve already seen recent naked photos of me, so what’s a little vulgarity between friends?
If only that sort-of rationalising prevented such extremely rare outbreaks of embarrassment.
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June 5th, 2008 at 11:47 am
I can relate to blurting things that leave you stunned while the sound of whatever you blurted echoes in your head…only it happens to me on the radio.
Once, I forgot myself during a furniture place live broadcast and said, “the prices aren’t going any lower than this, so haul aa-…uh….hurry on over to Herman Furniture!” Gah.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:32 pm
“Go suck eggs, you chicken!” technically wouldn’t that be FOWL language.
Thank you, thank you, I’m here all week, try the veal.
June 5th, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Myra: I refuse to respond to that comment until I receive new kitten photos.
HRT: I was executing a play-on-words pun. Thanks for noticing my subtlety. Now I won’t have to explain that particular joke to a couple of my not-so-bright friends!
June 5th, 2008 at 3:31 pm
Hey, at least you’ve got a subscription notify thingy that actually fucking works! And I wouldn’t put Brad Pitt’s cock in your mouth; we all know where it’s been.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:43 pm
Curse words are the most robust and effective adjectives (and pseudo-adjectives) on the planet and not only should be allowed but encouraged as a staple of communication.
Even when used as nouns they ooze the properties of adjectives. For instance “His dog came into my yard and left shit everywhere” coveys much more meaning than “”…and left poop everywhere”. Similarly, what would you prefer…. “good sex” or “a good fuck”. The choice is a no-brainer for me.
June 5th, 2008 at 4:57 pm
…and sometimes explitives serve a purpose where the more sanitized word would be completely ineffective. Such as:
Pick your shit up and and get the fuck out of here.
vs.
Gather all of your excrement and get the sexual intercourse out of here.
or statements such as these…
This soup is the human feces!!!
How in the place of eternal damnation am I supposed to know??
You engaging in sexual intercourse donkey orifice!!!!!!
What the lovemaking??
In the immortal words from Risky Business, sometimes you just have to say “What the fuck.”
June 5th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
WarrrrrrrCryyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THERE you are! I was beginning to scour the NC news to see if you’d been arrested for twin stalking! That notify thing is very unreliable so I keep a separate email distribution list for my subscribers. Piece of shit. I’m still fuming that I can’t upload photos in WordPress any more.
Rio: You know me, I wouldn’t mind a good fuck at all!
HRT: I actually had to THINK about a couple of those!
June 9th, 2008 at 4:37 pm
Sorry dahling, but I’ve been busy and really haven’t had a mind to write anything down. Tomorrow is the last day of school so I should have LOTS of time to write.
June 10th, 2008 at 12:11 pm
hee hee…eh, we all need a good fuck here and there ;O) - take that however you’d like…