So, my birthday month is halfway over, but I don’t think I can handle any more celebrating after stepping on the bathroom scale this morning.

For my actual birthday, we decided to dine at the closest Macaroni Grill. I managed to not reach across the table to wrench the bread out of everybody else’s reach. I did, however, devour roughly half my body weight in Chicken Marsala and bowtie pasta and red wine. In the first snapshot below, the raving beauty wearing black is Bill whom I featured in a recent article. The other two ladies are Sinthia and Tee. I know, I know, my name disguises are just brilliant!

Yes, I know it looks like I have my hands stuck in their groins, but I promise you, my hands were merely resting lightly on their thighs. Which is only slightly less pervy but they’re taller than me and it’s awkward to put my arms up over their shoulders. At least, that’s MY excuse.

Yes, ladies, the handsome [male] stud in the next snapshot is, indeed, single. Now that the four-year statute of limitations has expired, I will also confess that we dated at one time a few years ago and he includes an A+ rating from Yours Truly.

Contrary to popular misconception, I do not choose my friends based on their physical attractiveness. It is not my fault in the least that my friends all happen to be gorgeous. I would have included a photo of another of my guyfriends who joined us, but some photos were taken with his camera and he hasn’t sent them to me yet. I understand he is waiting on his grown son to show him how to upload the photos from camera to email. I understand, but that doesn’t mean I have to LIKE it!

The next photo is a lesson in why you should check to determine whether your waittress has been drinking before you ask her to take a nice, out-of-focus, dark, blurry photo for you. The lovely lady wining and dining me here at Pappadeaux is my closest friend on this planet, Shelley . . . um, I mean “Telly”. I probably drove her nuts all weekend by introducing her repeatedly as “my closest friend in the world!!”. But, as much as I hate labels, I wanted everyone to be absolutely clear that she wasn’t just some random drinking buddy I had just picked up, she is somebody I have known and loved and trusted for a decade . . . OK, sorry, Mushy Moment over now.

As you can see, I am gently gripping her arm in a subtle attempt to get her to pretend she’s having a good time. Since I am an excellent multi-tasker, at the same time I was also managing to cop a back-handed feel. We gorged ourselves on Tilapia and Salmon . . . and did you know that if you eat asparagus you’ll be able to smell it in your urine within minutes? OK, let’s just move along then. Should I back-track for a moment and mention that we’d already split an order of fajitas for lunch at Chili’s? No? too late for that? OK, back to the food frenzy.

For our final feast of the weekend, we had “brunch” [I don’t know why they call it that since there is no buffet] at a popular local restaurant in The Gay part of town. It happens to be directly next-door to myNightclub™ and it is known for it’s colourful clientele. I was actually rather disappointed at the relative dearth of transvestites, but the food more than made up for it. I had steak and poached eggs with Hollandaise sauce, creamy potatoes, fruit — which just cluttered-up my plate — and one of their “famous” Bellinis — which appropriately, is a “fruity cocktail”.

The delicious little snack nestled between us was the prettiest waiter in the place. His eye make-up was much more fancy than mine. Unfortunately, you can’t see quite close enough to view the pretty silver glitter he had on in addition to the eye-shadow and mascara.

Lest you think that ALL we did was eat huge meals at nice restaurants, I will allow you a further glimpse into the intimate details of my personal life. We also did a lot of drinking. Not only that, but we stopped by a restaurant where another of my guyfriends is the manager — and we turned down a free meal. The fact that we had literally driven there from our massive brunch had nothing whatsoever to do with declining the complimentary lunch. We also toured the local liquor warehouse cuz we’re classy like that, visited the animal shelter kitties [mostly because Telly is allergic to kats and my own personal felines happen to be hypo-allergenic so she wasn’t getting near enough exposure to potential massive hive outbreaks], and we floated around in the swimming pool without accidentally drowning any loud, annoying children. At some point we even stopped by myPub™ so that I could roll out a few more dulcet announcements regarding “my closest friend in this ENTIRE UNIVERSE!!!” I think at one point one of us might have even taken a shower.

Originally, I had wanted to go to a “fun center” where they have miniature golf, and go-karts, and bumper boats. But, for those of you not in the know, Texass is currently in the grip of its usual hotter-than-the-9th-circle-of-hell heat and humidity “Summer”. This is the time of year when you take your life in your hands by merely stepping outside and attempting to inhale. Although, I still have no understanding as to why most buildings are air-conditioned to the degree of a meat locker. Is there some reason why we can’t enjoy a LITTLE of the “warmth” of “Summer”?

Here are the usual thumbnails so you can get a good look at what middle age can do to you [warning: absolutely NO airbrushing!!]:

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♥ … A heartfelt thank-you to Telly’s husband, Doug Bug, for loaning her to me for the weekend! … ♥

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008 at 8:49 am and is filed under Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.