Blinding Blondeness
After several painstakingly detailed scientific research experiments, I have come to the startling conclusion that it is quite possible that blondes and stereo equipment are incompatible.
Case History No. 1:
About 4 years ago, while living in Austin, I developed the nasty habit of walking “for my health” around Town Lake. In order to lessen the drudgery of this activity [and to block out the presence of other humans] I would take along my trusty CD player with some sort of high-energy music to spur my efforts. One day as I was stretching and preparing for my power walk, my bloody CD player quit on me. I was furious and frustrated. The display indicated that the CD was playing but there was NO sound. I checked the batteries and they were fine, I checked the volume control: fine. I checked the headphones were plugged all the way in. I checked the CD was seated correctly. NOTHING WAS WRONG. I was about to tear my hair out in annoyance when I realised . . . that the headphones were around my neck.
Case History No. 2:
Like most people, I have several remote controls which operate the TV, VCR, DVD, stereo. For some reason, the DVD remote just never worked right. Actually, it never worked at all. I tried it from different angles, with the entertainment centre doors open and closed, I changed the batteries. Nothing helped. I got into the habit of having to walk ALL THE WAY across the living room to manually use the stupid thing. Until the day I had a friend over and said friend informed me: “You have the fucking batteries in backwards.”
Case History No. 3:
My car stereo decided to break. This was particularly annoying since I *always* listen to CDs in my car and I drive a lot. I also live on a very restricted budget and the mere THOUGHT of having to spend money on getting my CD player fixed was just horrifying. Anyway, the damn thing wouldn’t eject the CD. I tried turning the power on and off. I tried resetting the stereo to the radio, to the tape player, back to the CD option. Nothing. I tried cursing and pleading and threatening the No. 1 Female Weapon [bursting into tears]. The stereo sat impassively looking back at me with a look of utter contempt. I drew on the formidable resources of my 140 IQ and my relatively amateur but usually reliable quasi-technical experiences and thought seriously about what could possibly be wrong. Aside from the fact that I had already ejected the CD from the player.