Well, it seems to have been a while since I had a good, old-fashioned venting session around here, and since I know you short-attention-spanned types like a bit of variety …

A lot of people have been asking me “How’s the job search going?” Now, first of all, I haven’t mentioned that I was even job-hunting so I’m not quite sure why anybody would ask me how this imaginary search is coming along. That’s a little like me randomly emailing a non-smoking friend and asking “So, how’s that quitting smoking thing going?” A little presumptive, don’t you think? OK, OK, I *know* people mean well, and I *do* appreciate that they care enough to ask . . . it’s just that it puts a whole lot more pressure on me. Especially when I am trying not to borrow trouble from the future in terms of the stress of job-hunting. Even more especially since I was so sick from a stress-related illness for several months that I was simply incapable of trying to find work. Much like my clever little brain provides a home for an ugly anxiety disorder, my body has become but a pretty shell housing a vicious illness. Technically-speaking, I should be on disability but I don’t have an income history in Idaho so I don’t qualify. But, moving right along …

As of this week I have been on a registering blitzkrieg with the local employment agencies. As a general rule, people around here are very kind and helpful and thus it was with the first three agency recruiters. But, of course, life is not perfect and there is this one recruiter who really raised my hackles with her arrogant attitude. First off I told her that I was out on an assignment, which is a lie but beats having to explain that I have ulcerative colitis that is most active in the mornings. So, I told her that I could only interview with her during lunch. She responded back giving me an appointment next week at 9:15-freaken-AM and instructing me to dress professionally and to call my last two employers to inform them that she would be calling them for “detailed questions about my job performance”.

What I *wanted* to respond was this:

“Look, you arrogant twunt, you are just a small-town recruiter! A tiny fish in a tiny pond! You are not some high-level executive, and while I don’t know what you are accustomed to, I, for one, do not bow and scrape to anybody, let alone a small-town bloody recruiter. Might I point out that in the event I agreed to work temp for your employer, it would be MY work that paid YOUR salary? And if I were to find a permanent position through your agency then YOU would be the one to rake in the ridiculously high commission? Don’t you think you should be bending over backwards to sign-up somebody of my calibre rather than acting like you are doing me a favour? Listen-up bitch, pissant recruiters are ten-a-penny and, frankly, you could not accomplish a fraction of what I could do with my eyes closed and hands super-glued together. How about YOU take those stupid little time-wasting software tests that you insist on giving to me because heaven knows why on earth all these law firms have paid me so generously to not be able to perform the job. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been working for over 30 years and I know how to fucking interview and how to dress myself. And, by the way, my former employers — who are attorneys billing hundreds of dollars by the hour — do NOT have the time to sit on the phone with you discussing how dreamy I am while twirling locks of their hair!!!!!!!! To put it in small words for you, people in Texas are likely to consider you to be a small town hick unworthy of their time or attention. Oh, and for the record, pretty much everybody I have worked with in the past has moved on to other companies and law firms so they aren’t just sitting by the phone awaiting your needy call. I would also like to point out that I have not agreed to accept any assignments from you as yet so why don’t you step out from behind that horse’s ass and lead the horse back to the front of the cart?”

Instead, this is what I came up with, which I, personally, think was remarkably polite under the circumstances:

“I’m sorry but I cannot meet you in the early morning as I am on assignment as I mentioned below. I can, however, meet you during an extended lunch break on Wednesday at 12:15. Please confirm.

If this helps at all, I have registered and tested in every aspect with RHI__ in Houston. Thus your parent company already has my references and test results. It would make excellent business sense for them to share that information with you.”

Which I thought was quite polite under the circumstances. She responded back that they don’t interview during the lunch hour [which is bullshit because lunch-time interviews are common practice with staffing agencies!!!] so perhaps I could go in when I complete my current [fake] assignment. I replied that I am expecting my assignment to seamlessly flow into the next assignment OR a permanent job but that if she wants to meet with me late in the afternoon perhaps I can be flexible. Apparently she has some major control issues as she hasn’t responded yet. Meantime, I’m calling the other agencies.

So, yeah, that’s how the poxy job search is going. Thanks for asking.

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 30th, 2009 at 11:24 am and is filed under General, Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.