Welcome to White Trash Central
You ain’t seen nothing yet!
Yes, I’m quite sure that the recent mass evacuation of my nice neighbours is due to the rat-faced twunt in the two-bedroom duplex behind me. That would be the one with the dope-dealing teenage son and the screaming 17-year old daughter whose same-age boyfriend also lives there. I do have to give them credit for smoking outdoors though … even though they spice that up with lots of hacking and the kind of snot-hawking that starts at the toes and gets sucked in slimy chunks the full length of the anorexic teenage body where it is finally expelled in a loud, choking, bilious snot wad onto the ground.
Apparently, some of my male neighbours — who are apparently the only single males between 17 and 70 in Boise — take the concept of ‘love thy neighbour’ a little too literally. Thus far, I’ve had one huge-gutted biker, one doddering old codger, and one super-hot-but-absolutely-hammered neighbour all show up at my door utterly uninvited. If only I hadn’t sold my Glock months ago and frittered away the money on food and electricity.
Did I really just post this one under ‘Humour’?
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Just a reminder, my lovelies — if you leave a comment that includes a smiley, you have to put a hyphen in the middle, like so: :-D
January 26th, 2010 at 1:49 pm
Good lord.
January 26th, 2010 at 2:25 pm
Great googly moogly! Get thee home to Houston post haste.
January 26th, 2010 at 2:29 pm
Warcry: Not as good of a lord as I would like!
JohnV: Just as soon as they double-up my unemployment pay so I can afford to save for a long-distance rental truck … :-)
January 26th, 2010 at 2:38 pm
I have a wonderful vision of you answering the door in black lace panties and brandishing a Glock. I wonder if it would encourage or terrify them?
January 26th, 2010 at 3:03 pm
VegAss: I usually save that for the Jehovah’s Witnesses … even though it means having to break my commando rule. ;-)
January 26th, 2010 at 3:56 pm
Agreed friend. That’s just not funny.
January 26th, 2010 at 7:49 pm
Other than coming upon my apartment building one day last summer and seeing cops descending upon it with guns drawn, your neighborhood is way more exciting. Hope you can find a better, if not safer neighborhood soon.
January 27th, 2010 at 1:05 pm
Myra: I lived here for 3 years back in the 90s and never even had a clue that neighbourhoods like this existed in Boise! Up north, sure, but not around here.
witty: I’m beginning to wonder if we were twins separated at birth!
January 28th, 2010 at 2:03 pm
Ummm YIKES! First of all the hacking descriptions made me want to vomit. What’s with all the barking dogs? people are so rude! I have a dog and we do not let her sit around barking all day for our sake and for our neighbors sake…Oh well, not everyone is as considerate as us I guess…
And what’s up with your neighbor making you cry? Don’t make me come over there!
January 28th, 2010 at 2:32 pm
Ms Bee! The neighbourhood was nice and quiet until the rat-faced twunt moved in, it’s HER dog that has taught all the other dogs to bark and howl. Their idea of being responsible pet owners is to put the dog in the yard and then close the door and ignore her. As for the hot guy neighbour, I didn’t realise he was bombed out of his brain until after I let him in … I went to get him a towel since his boots were covered with snow and came back to find he’d removed his boots … and his jeans, and was swaying there in his underwear. He then proceeded to maul me several times before passing out on my sofa. At which point I ran to another neighbour’s house to get help in the pest removal process.
Now, please DO come over here!!!