Caveman Tango
I, for one, am sick to death of all the male-bashing that goes on. So, I’m here to say a few words on behalf of my guy friends. While I will be the first to say that it’s a shame that nice pricks are often attached to dicks, there are lots of good things about men and I don’t know where we’d be without them. For example, where else would I have learned about GuySpeak? Take my friend Jagoff (name changed to protect the guilty). Whenever we go out drinking I worry myself half to death about him driving home. So one time I made the mistake of calling him the next morning to see if he was OK. He didn’t answer so I left a voicemail to that effect and then tried back a couple of times later in the day. Does he *appreciate* my concern? Hell No. He goes around telling our other friends that I call him “17 times a day”. And to think, I’ve told him a million times not to exaggerate!! I love men friends, I think they are a fabulous addition to any woman’s accessories. Who else would be willing to lend you their penis on condition that you abused it? On those occasions when I want to get in touch with my masculine side but don’t want to release a blaringly loud burp or a noxious cloud of gas, I can always reach over and gently scratch a guy-friend’s balls. Oh sure, he may look a little startled for a moment, but if he’s a true friend, he won’t mind. Then there’s the punching issue. I weight-train four times a week. While I’m very feminine and petite, I’m also deceptively strong. After hard-punching one of my buddies on the shoulder last night he flexed up and said “Go ahead, punch me again!” So I did. Only this time I punched him in the gut. See? you can’t do that with a girlfriend. And, of course I can open my own doors, but I’m not going to lack appreciation for a guy who does that for me. In my opinion (and who the hell else’s opinion would I be writing here?), any woman who thinks she is empowering herself by refusing a gentleman’s courtesies is really de-feminizing herself. Girls, you have GOT to cater to a man’s ego if you truly want him to appreciate you. Try saying “Thank You” when he buys you dinner. Try smiling graciously when he pays you a compliment, rather than gushing some self-defamatory false-modesty laden denial. Try giving him a World Class Blowjob now and then. And for the love of Zeus, pay HIM a compliment sometimes, tell him he looks great in his favourite ragged underwear with the suspect stains. Let’s say he hasn’t shaved/showered and is scratching his arse with one hand while picking his nose with the other. Tell him he’s a great multi-tasker!
Gentlemen, one of the many aspects to the joy of being friends with me is that I’m free to say things like “Well, of course you can’t get a girlfriend, you’re an asshole! … but *I* still like you.”
See? with me as a friend you don’t NEED a girlfriend. And no, I’m not offering to blow you. Yet. Buy me another drink first.
Current Mood: 
restless