Insecticide — Part Deaux
Well, as it turns out, folks, getting rid of fruit flies is a five-step process**.
1. Throw out and/or refrigerate all fruits and veggies.
2. Have pest control guy spray super-secret-formula stuff in corners of ceiling.
3. Watch flies launch themselves into the air in a tizzy … but remain very much alive.
4. Leave out a glass of wine and watch the suckers dive right in and promptly get very drunk before dying a pretty cool death.
5. Kill off the last few irritatingly-hardy survivors by crushing them between your hands. This isn’t as easy as it sounds because, despite how slowly they fly around, they are remarkably fast at getting out of the way of being squashed. And, I am apparently remarkably retarded at clapping my hands together when required to do so in a split-second. Special Olympics, here I come!!
**Displaying a sign that reads “FREE VEGGIES AVAILABLE TWO DOORS DOWN” does not work. Don’t waste your time.
June 12th, 2006 at 10:49 am
I can’t seem to squash bugs with my hands, either. Part of it is because I’m hopelessly uncoordinated, but another weensy part of it is the fact that I don’t like the idea of mashing bug guts into my palms. Yes, I know I can wash them, but still. Blech!
If you’d like me to, I follow you around wearing a Princess Leia-style bikini and waving a fan around to keep the bugs away. C’maaaahn, you know you’ve always wanted a slave girl.
June 12th, 2006 at 10:50 am
*…I could follow you…
June 12th, 2006 at 2:00 pm
I used to have a professional guy come out and spray for ants and spiders yet after he sprayed the ants would be worse than before. So I fired him and began spraying my house myself. So far, so good. No wine, though.
June 12th, 2006 at 6:43 pm
Those stupid. Little. Bastards. Ever get a close up look at one? Their itty bitty buggy eyeballs are bulbous and bright red, like tiny berries. Must be from all the fermented vegetable matter that you can never seem to locate before their numbers reach the thousands. Fuckers.
June 13th, 2006 at 9:58 am
Oh I hate fruit flies! Someone told me that you are supposed to leave a glass full of cider vinegar and dish soap on the counter and it takes care of them. I tried it once…it didn’t work! I think the wine is the way to go! Hope they’re all gone now!
June 14th, 2006 at 1:29 pm
Temma: bring on the bikini-cladness!!
WCG: Seriously, I am impressed that you can “spray your own house” *cough*
Myra: My dahling, I was about to make a crass joke about not sugarcoating … then I abandoned that idea for one about “I’m not getting close enough to make-out, let alone study their eyes”, but frankly, I’m a little disturbed by the depth of hatred that I have developed for these effing bugs . . .
FunkyBee: I still have a few lurkers and am finding myself screaming WHY WON’T YOU JUST DIEEEEEEEEEEE????????????
June 15th, 2006 at 5:26 am
And hey, after you kill of those flies in the wine, you can drink it and it will be like a protein boost.
Just be glad you don’t miss your hands every time you clap. This skills take time to develop.
– Ploppy.
June 15th, 2006 at 7:45 am
RYN: Gah! She’s my favorite OPEN DIARY blonde, British bombshell! OPEN DIARY! Gah!
*meep*
*grope?*
*hangs head*
June 16th, 2006 at 7:55 pm
I feel your pain. Seems recently I had an ant family of ten thousand decide to hold a family reunion in my foyer. Called the exterminator and have been sweeping up those disgusting suckers for a month. I wonder if I can dip them in chocolate and sell them to the yuppies at the office? Just a thought…..