Hum Buggery
Feel free to call me a heartless bitch, but I am sick to death of being solicited for other peoples’ Cause of the Day-Month-Week-Hour. Do I look like the Statue of Liberty welcoming the needy into my open arms? I understand that some of you out there have children still in school and that those schools have various and sundry fundraisers. What happened to the days when kids EARNED the funds they raised? That is, as opposed to having Mum or Dad go to work and plunk down a catalogue of unnecessary and overpriced luxury items that I cannot afford and do not need! Believe me, I respect your position as a parent, single or otherwise, but do you respect my position as a single adult who has no other income source? I live paycheck-to-paycheck and do not own my residence. I am solely and totally responsible for myself financially. I cannot afford to help raise and/or educate your children. YOU bred them, YOU are responsible for them. Nobody contributes to my car repairs/medical costs/living expenses/boob-jobs. I didn’t see anybody holding a fundraiser when my implants needed to be replaced due to possible rupture that might have caused me health problems. Did you hear me complaining because I *chose* to have the surgery in the first place? No-o-o. Didn’t think so! I paid for both my boob-jobs all by myself and yet I have selflessly shared boobie stories and photos. I might be poor by some standards, but at least I make up for it by being entertaining. I am a saint I tell you, a SAINT!
Whenever I work for a large law firm or corporation, at the end of each year during the “holiday” season (read: Christmas) a sudden urge to be charitable overcomes the management. At which time I find myself the victim of numerous attempts to fleece me of my hard-earned and barely-adequate funds in order to make the firm look good when donating my money to a needy family. First off, the firm makes millions of dollars; a goodly portion of which goes into the partners’ deep pockets. Second, why does this charity drive have to be year-end when most people are already struggling financially to get through gift-giving hell? Do these people not deserve charity All Year Round? This year’s Worthy Family is a cancer-ridden single mother with four children. FOUR children. Think about that for a moment. While she was busy pumping out offspring, did she stop to wonder if she would always be able to take care of them? Two of the “children” are teenagers. What is on their “wish list”? MP3 players. I do not own such a thing myself. Nor can I afford one. I also cannot buy myself most of the other items on the wish list, to name but two: a new dresser, a new computer desk. Yet, I am supposed to feel guilty charitable enough to just give away my meager funds?
I have a better solution. Send your kids to my home. I’ll pay them $5 per hour to thoroughly clean my apartment, iron my clothes, brush my kats, rub my feet, and wash my car. Each chore will be subject to close inspection for quality control purposes. That is how *I* earned my pocket money when I was growing up. If I run out of chores, I’ll send them to a friend’s place to perform similar chores and that will be my year-end gift to my friend, as well as my contribution to earned welfare.
As for future poor-yet-prolific mothers, I’ll donate the address of a clinic that disburses free and readily-available birth control . . . oh, yeah, and maybe I’ll buy myself a lottery ticket.
December 7th, 2006 at 6:41 pm
I agree whole heartedly! Fucking snot mongers have everything handed to them on a platter, and then bitch about it or sit on their asses and more often then not both.
I fucking hate them.
December 7th, 2006 at 8:07 pm
Sorry, oh lovely heartless bitch, but having said do-gooder of a parent plunk down said catalog on YOUR desk is a vast improvement of sending said snot-nosed munchkins to MY doorstep. (Better you than me, dearie.)
While I can somewhat empathize with most of your feelings here, I feel that plunking catalogs is just a way around asking the age old question… “which of my neighbors are child predators?”
While ’tis true, I certainly remember MY parents making me go out and actually RAISE the funds for said fundraisers, parents today are a different ilk.
Sadly.
And yet they wonder why kids today seem to just expect everything to be handed to them. Oh I dunno… maybe because Mommie and Daddie keep handing things to them???
Get a job, people!!!
December 7th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
I can’t help myself, I have to share some of the email comments (because I was SO hoping to piss off at least one person!) …
GOD I LOVE YOU!!!! hahahahahahaha
i have a friend here in stlouis that is SOOOO much like you. i forwarded this email to her.. her blogs are so much close to yours.. but yours go BEYOND the scope of creativity in writing..
have a LOVERLY weekend
~Renee Dow
MuwaH!!!!!!!…. I love you!!!
River4407
if you keep writing commentaries like this, i’m going to fall in love with you.
bassakwords
December 7th, 2006 at 10:23 pm
awwwwwwww I am SO flattered as usual! I rarely look at your blogs because I have received doubles for sometime now. I read from your email list usually. Your adorable!
Bahhumbug holidays here!
December 8th, 2006 at 2:14 am
I wasn’t aware of your disgust for charity.
I guess asking you for a blowjob is out of the question. But I probably will, anyway.
December 8th, 2006 at 6:08 am
I just had to send Little Billy Fundraiser and his sister Susie away in tears because I handed them my own donation jar when they tried to pawn a catalog of popcorn tins at me. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Someone should have told them not to distribute their order forms to grouchy, sick people wearing sweatpants and residing in their parents’ house.
December 8th, 2006 at 6:08 am
*pawn a catalog of popcorn tins off on me…
I WIN TEH INTERNETZ.
December 8th, 2006 at 9:51 am
Just say no! It’s not worth all this ranting crap!
December 8th, 2006 at 10:43 am
Dear “Nancy Reagan”: thanks for such blazing insight. Now, if you’ll kindly check the DISCLAIMER which clearly states that this is For Entertainment Purposes Only … Since the concept of “reading for entertainment” clearly eludes you, I grant you permission to run along and leave another cowardly fake-name comment elsewhere. Or go back to anonymous dickheadery in your chatroom.
Thank you,
Management
December 9th, 2006 at 9:18 am
I KNOW! The younger generation is turning into a bunch of pussies.
They have NO decent music to listen to and they are HANDED everything.
P.S. Sorry about my vmail Baby!!
December 9th, 2006 at 10:39 am
I’d have my kids do their own fundraising but Jr has issues with talking to people he doesn’t know. Hell, he barely talks to the people he DOES know. Not because he’s a spoiled brat but because he’s just not wired like the rest of us. I’ll ask a few friends if they’re interested and if they say no I leave it at that.
Yesterday I was gone all day on a field trip with The Captain; it was Hubby’s job to get Jr ready for school. Most of his lunch was pre-made; all Hubby had to do was make the sandwhich. I pick up Jr from school and am informed that Jr did NOT have a lunch that day. I find out that Hubby didn’t put his lunchbox into his bookbag like I AUTOMATICALLY DO EVERY MORNING WITHOUT THINKING. Hubby accused me of babying the kids so from now on I’ll put their stuff in their bookbags but they’re in charge of making sure everything is there. I may leave some stuff out on purpose to see if they are paying attention. Next year? They put their OWN stuff in their bags, I don’t care how late to school they are.
Grinch.
December 11th, 2006 at 8:12 pm
I always knew Nancy Reagan was a tool.
December 13th, 2006 at 7:56 am
Temma: I thought it was dazzingly clever of “Nancy” to use a fake name AND a fake email address!! However, the real IP address came through loud and clear.