One of the Bois
Last night I was included in an All Guys Birthday Party. Except, of course, it wasn’t “all guys” because I was there. The Birthday Boy in question is my friend Trevor who turned 34 yesterday. I’ll refer to him hereafter phonetically as “Trevah” in order to protect his privacy since I’m going to graphically describe some of the events that transpired over the course of the night. Trevah and two of the other guys picked me up an hour late after calling me several times to report “unscheduled stops”, but they compensated for their tardiness by arriving in a beautiful white stretch limo. (Yes, I said “compensated” and “stretch” in the same sentence.) The Bois diligently got working on a case of beer on the way to the restaurant. We had dinner at Rickshaw/Bambu which features Chinese, Japanese, Thai, and sushi. I had Trevah order for me as he has been there before and not because I am too vain to carry around my reading glasses. The food was excellent, starting with the chicken lettuce wraps and not stopping until after the frantic consumption of piles of Mandarin Beef and the Three Island Shrimp (Tandoori shrimp, Creole shrimp tempura and Mandarin shrimp accompanied with three-cabbage slaw and wasabi mashed potatoes). The Bois switched from the beer we had in the limo to the beer they had in the restaurant, gleefully making themselves “sake bombs”. If you’ve never had one, here’s the recipe: pour half a glass of Sapporo beer, drop a shot glass of sake into the beer glass, slam the drink down your gullet. Since I don’t drink beer, I contented myself with daintily guzzling chardonnay. This restaurant is not for the faint-hearted. If you want to take your date to a romantic, quiet place where you can googly-eye one another while playing footsie, then this is not the place to go. It was packed with 20somethings, the music was very loud, and the party atmosphere was ON!!!
The Bois were feeling quite festive when we got back to the limo and decided to celebrate the moment by having more beer. Our next stop was KC’s Bar on West T.C. Jester. I had already heard the owner is a really nice guy. Ladies, he’s also single and cute and a perfect gentleman (at least with me). And I don’t want to give his identity away, but last night was his birthday. Naturally, being with the bar owner we got free drinks. Since we were no longer at an Asian-themed bar, the Bois switched to drinking Irish Car Bombs (same method, different liquor). We were joined shortly by the arrival of the second half of our party which included an enormous pair of natural breasts that were attached to a cute girl. She was awfully sporting about letting me expose her massive cleavage to Trevah. I mean, really, it *was* his birthday and all. Plus she had a set of temporary tattoos from being at the rodeo earlier. Like the intrepid troopers we were, we eventually headed back to the limo and drove to our Ultimate Destination: “Treasures”.
Treasures is what is euphemistically known as an “erotic cabaret”. For those less sophisticated, that means “strip club” or “titty bar” or “silicone valley”. I know this will come as a huge shock to most of you, but I have never been to a strip club before!!! Despite people asking me if I used to strip based on my body and the way I dance. I gather there are some strip clubs where you’d be afraid to sit on the furniture and where the strippers are all toothless hags with botched boob jobs. Treasures is not one of those places. Treasures turned out to be surprisingly clean, roomy, and loaded with wall-to-wall hot chicks. Keith, who bartends at my pub, and who is my bestest friend in the world today, commented that my body was better than most of the strippers. That’s about the Ultimate Ego Booster when given to me by a 20something Hot Guy. I wonder if I can use that as leverage to get into his undies? But I digress. I was wondering how the strippers would react to a female and I was pleasantly surprised at just how friendly they were to me.
Trevah had promised me my very own lap dance so I went on a hunting trip to find My Very Own Stripper. As I was meandering around checking out the scenery, I was approached several times by roving males who mistakenly assumed that I worked there. Which made me giggle. A lot. As I turned away from one pair of charmers I spotted an older blonde stripper. By “older” I mean that I could tell from her face that she had left 30 behind, however, she had a gorgeous body and a great smile. I stepped up to her with a big grin and smoothly enquired “Hullo, are you working?” and when she smilingly acknowledged that she was, I giggled and asked “Will you give me a lap dance then?” She followed me back to the lounge area where the Bois were, well, lounging around, and she promptly sat on my lap until a song I liked came on. It was kind of like having my Very Own Real Life Barbie Doll. You probably know the rest, but for the sake of accuracy (and masturbation material for some of you) I shall elaborate. She slipped out of her bra and proceeded to slide her naked loveliness all over my legs, stomach, breasts, while my hands glided over her silky skin and hair, and her hands in turn caressed me. I even accidentally might have licked her nipple. Seventeen times. Hey, anything for the Bois, right? I mean, it *was* Trevah’s birthday and he was entitled to a good show. Trevah got the next dance from her and while I personally thought her breasts were absolutely perfect as they were soft and of a proportionate size rather than ridiculous, he insisted on squeezing them and informing her that he could feel her implants. Keith got the third dance from her and I couldn’t stop grinning at the look on his face. I gave her an “extra tip” of a sparkly WristWallet©®™ and asked that she pass on my email address to any of the girls who showed an interest in wanting one. While the other Bois were otherwise occupied, I plunked myself down on Keith’s lap and proceeded to demonstrate a claim I had made earlier that I could give a better lap dance than a professional stripper. His verdict? “True, but you kept most of your clothes on.”
While I saw acres of naked female flesh over the course of the evening, I didn’t get to see one single penis all night long (or short) and I was so hoping one of the Bois would whip one out … for good measure … [rim shot].
Circa 3:00 a.m., the limousine dispatched me onto my front doorstep and Trevah walked me to my door. I invited him inside so he could meet my kats who generally hide under the bed when anybody comes over. So I took him to my bedroom. Oh, yes, there was pussy and there was spanking … but it was just me showing him how my kat enjoys being smacked on the rump. I only hope he made up something really outrageous to explain his 10-minute absence to the other Bois upon his return to the limo.
Current Mood: 
giggly