Is it too late to cancel last weekend and start over?

I don’t often get into reality-based personal situations on here, but when I do, at least I try to inject some humour into the story, so bear with me. I may or may not (probably not) have mentioned that I work for a mid-sized law firm and within that law firm for a six-person “Team”. The firm practices mostly in the litigation area of law, whereas, my Team is the ONLY transactional part of the Houston office. Which means we are considered somewhat to be either elite or the odd ones out. Regardless, most everybody at the office is quite pleasant and in some cases a lot of fun.

Friday was the firm’s annual holiday party. It was held in the banquet room of a local hotel. The decorating was absolutely gorgeous; the tables were beautifully set out; the wait-staff were top-notch. I cadged a ride over from the two mailroom girls even though it was a mere four blocks away. Now let me be clear, I am a very fun person. Despite that I am ferociously private and like a lot of space and time alone in which to be quietly antisocial; in public I am highly sociable. I am something of a social chameleon in my ability to adapt to any social setting. I can be anywhere from conservative and graceful to witty and ribald and most things in between. I am good company, dammit. The escorts and I were among the very first to arrive as we were unfashionably early (a first for me) and no sooner had we arrived than my escorts instantly ditched me, leaving me to float aimlessly around like a noxious cloud of cheap perfume. Unfazed, I graciously accepted a drink from the server and acted like I was just thrilled to be there for the benefit of the four other employees in attendance, all of whom were ignoring me and probably didn’t notice (or care) anyway. After only about 20 minutes that-felt-like-two-hours of this fake camaraderie the other employees started to drift in. I would have thought from the friendliness displayed towards me at the office that more of my alleged peers would have made an effort to include me in their little cliques, but it wasn’t so. Nonetheless, I wittily entertained the managing partner and several of the attorneys; causing much corporately-appropriate laughter (not too loud or hearty as that would be unseemly). I was amazed that despite it being 1:30 in the afternoon and despite there being a sumptuous buffet mere feet away, nobody wanted to break the ice and eat!!! I suggested it a couple of times only to have my suggestions more or less ignored … and then, literally, two minutes later there was a long line at the buffet! By which time the salad had wilted and the gorgeous roast beef had turned into shoe leather. As it turned out, I was the ONLY member of my Team to attend the party. Which I honestly would not have minded, despite that I have only been employed there for six months and wasn’t quite prepared to be the sole representative of my Team in front of the management, but … their absence(s) certainly did not go unnoticed as demonstrated by the ELEVEN TIMES I had to answer the question “Where’s the rest of your Team?”. Eleven effing times, man. Eventually, after spasmodically entertaining a few more coworkers I was able to slip quietly away without bothering to say goodbye to anybody. There is nothing quite like a work event to make you feel socially inept.

After going home for a lengthy nap, I went out that night and danced for almost 90 minutes straight. It was fabulous stress-relief. I got to bed around 3:00 a.m. only to wake up about two hours later with what felt like a brutal knee sprain. I had to keep getting out of bed to fetch ice packs since the kats are not quite trained to open the freezer door and select the correct item. (They always try to bring me pork chops.)

Picture me the next day suffering from sleep-deprivation, cranky, and in pain. That night I was scheduled to assist a dear friend at a corporate office party photo shoot. In the spirit of the weekend, I arrived unusually on-time and *before* my friend. Awkward. Needless to say, everything that could go wrong managed to do so. We had equipment malfunctions, assistant malfunctions, bitchy employees wanting to get their money’s worth of the FREE photography, you name it. Remember those social skills I mentioned earlier? Well, I had to rummage deep down past my crankiness and drag them out in order to appease the savages and ensure that people got their photos along with the 25 extra copies that everybody seemed to demand. At least I got to spend a little time with my friend and his lovely ladyfriend, which just about kept the evening from being a near-fatality. Said ladyfriend who had me in stitches when, after sampling from the champagne fountain, she drawled “Urgh, I wouldn’t bathe a pig in that!”

I spent all day Sunday running errands and doing chores. AND, I broke a fingernail!!!! In summary, I feel gypped and I want a do-over!

This entry was posted on Monday, December 18th, 2006 at 11:56 am and is filed under Humour. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.