S.H.I.T. Department
Although we have a team of IT staff at our office, we, as in “every non-IT employee here”, are not permitted to speak directly to any of the IT staff members. Instead, we have to contact an outside third-party contractual company … who oftentimes then sends a work order to our IT Department. Unfortunately, calling the contractor for assistance, for me at least, usually ends up being quite a debacle …
| Tool: | Hi, you’ve reached the Unhelpful Desk. How can I not help you today? |
| DK: | Hullo, this is DK and I’m having a technical problem with [some random issue]. I have a life-or-death deadline and my back is against the wall with the deadline so close that I can smell its putrid rotting breath! |
| Tool: | OK. Is it alright if I call you “DK”? |
| DK: | Dahling, you can call me Buttercup if it’ll get the issue fixed any quicker. Just so you know, I have strong technical skills myself and I’ve already tried [recites list of numerous common-sense steps and technical fixes]. So, I really need to talk to somebody who actually KNOWS this software, please. |
| Tool: | Have you tried [mentions several of the fixes I have already clearly stated having tried]? Oh, you have? Well then I’m going to need to remote-connect to your computer and take a look. |
| DK: | [taps toes … drums fingernails on desk … hums Jeopary theme … reads War and Peace … twice … feels deadline start to inappropriately grope her] and fifteen.minutes.later we are remote-connected. Tool then proceeds to go through all of the pulldown menus looking for a solution while I gently, and in a professional tone, remind him that I HAVE ALREADY EFFING TRIED THAT!!! . . . |
Invariably, 9 times out of 10, I end up terminating the conversation in frustration and fixing things myself just in time to slap the deadline’s sticky little mitts away from my personal places.
| Manager: | Hey DK, it’s time for your performance review. You have GREAT computer skills!! But, we’ve had some complaints from |
| DK: | Performance? I hadn’t realised I was working at the circus! [thinking: but it would certainly explain all the bozos around here.] So, by “harsh and demanding”, do you mean “responsible for meeting an urgent deadline but having no authority to enforce the steps necessary to meet said deadline”? |
Memo to Tool:
Either learn to do *your* job so that you can perform your duties competently or put your big girl panties on and DEAL with the fact that I need help from somebody who knows what they are doing!! Oh, and I’m truly sorry that I hurt your widdle feelings.
love always, DK
January 4th, 2007 at 2:31 pm
BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA…
I had so many problems with the I.T. department at The Company until I had to go up to the corporate office to retrive some phones from said department. The Boss told me to wear a skirt and heels, which I did, and I never had a problem getting my technical woes solved *immediately* from that day forward.
Until that day, I was always angry about the fact that The Company seemed to operate under the delusion that women aren’t good with anything technical, but that all-male I.T. department sure was appreciated during my last few months of employment.
That sounds filthy, doesn’t it? To be clear, I would have boffed the manager of I.T. ONLY. Sheesh, I’m going to get a reputation around here.
January 4th, 2007 at 2:58 pm
Umm, do we work at the same place? Yikes. I actually made friends with the Mac IT guy and now I call him directly! It works out quite nicely most of the time but there are times where I have to call the “unhelpful” desk and it’s like torture!
January 4th, 2007 at 6:15 pm
I’m having IT problems also. That being I have yet to receive any e-mails containing fully nude photos of you.
January 4th, 2007 at 6:21 pm
Temma: I’m guessing the IT guys here get enough titillation from checking to see which websites I visit most frequently while at work. THIS being one of them!
FunkyBee: I envy your IT relationship … as well as your beautiful engagement ring, if you remember rightly.
Rio: If I get any nakeder then I’ll be posing for autopsy shots.
January 4th, 2007 at 7:20 pm
I work at a smaller company, so we only have one IT person. She is old, and cranky, and condescending, and seems to think that no one but her knows how to turn on a computer, much less operate it. I will say, however, in her defense that (a) she is awake before noon, (b) our shit doesn’t break very often and (c) when it does break, it’s fixed fast.
January 5th, 2007 at 12:07 pm
More importantly, when they “remote connect” to my computer can they see all the porn I’ve saved into a folder on my Desktop marked “New Folder”? Just wondering.
January 5th, 2007 at 12:10 pm
HAHAHA! My best friend and I created the club called S.H.I.T. : Smurf Haters International Terrorists. Of course, we also created the 5′ 2″ club as well…