They Don’t Make Friends Like They Used To …
Example One:
One of the men at myPub is young, gorgeous . . . and lives with his boyfriend. He is also sharp, witty, and a thoroughly good sport. He has no hesitation in flirting with me and making fun of me. Which I LOVE! I told him one night: “Dahling, if you ever . . . ever . . . change teams, if only for a moment . . . I’ll still be too old for you”. Well, this past Saturday evening, after months of teasing and flirting, he told me this was IT, he was going to bat for my team just for the night!!! I took a deep breath . . . gazed into his eyes . . . and slowly … slowly … sloooowly turned to look at the wall clock . . . sure enough, it was five past midnight. On April Fool’s Day.
Example Two:
A few weeks ago at myPub I tried to help out a close guyfriend who was blearily squinting through his vodka goggles at a rather unattractive woman. After he stated his intent to hook-up with her, I told him I would rather personally my very own self give him a World-Class BeeJay than stand by and watch him bone that skank. And HE slurred “Nah, thash OK, she’s not that bad.”
Example Three:
I was at myNightclub a couple of weekends ago chatting with another of my very attractive male friends. I took the opportunity to whine a little about not being able to lose the 7-lbs I have gained. Referring to the difficulty of losing weight “at my age”, I quipped that I would do anything to lose the weight immediately, including boinking him . . . AND his lovely wife! “Oh.” he smirked, “I was about to buy you a drink . . . but, I don’t think you need those extra calories right now.”
Has anybody seen what passes for my ego? I think I left it around here somewhere.
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April 2nd, 2007 at 12:16 pm
* I have friends who like old pairs of shoes:
* I have had them a long time
* I find them very comfortable
* Every now and again I need to “buff them up” to help them shine
* Take care of them because they may hurt you and then they will end up
discarded.
* When I have new ones, I break them in gently……………
April 2nd, 2007 at 12:30 pm
Geez some of these guys are rather dense! YEESH! Of course, that does not surprise me in the least. Guys are more often than not sssLLLOOOWWWWW on the draw! Even when it comes to blatant innuendos, obviously. Makes me wanna whack them in the noggin and say “HELLO, dumb ass!!” hahaha
April 2nd, 2007 at 12:37 pm
So a guy turns down a bj from the one, only and never to be duplicated DK.
Apparently he was so drunk that he soon thereafter died from alcohol poison. Still, the decision was so egregiously offensive to common sense that he should be brought back to life and beaten.
April 2nd, 2007 at 12:39 pm
Rio: LMAO!!! here’s the email he sent me within seconds of reading this article:
In example two, you certainly put an end to said hook-up! And he was glad you did.
April 2nd, 2007 at 1:44 pm
Turned down a BJ? We might need to report this guy….
April 2nd, 2007 at 1:55 pm
Ouch!
April 2nd, 2007 at 2:04 pm
Re. your ego: I ate it.
*squint*
April 2nd, 2007 at 2:50 pm
I love a good April Fool’s joke, so I think example 1 is excellent and no reflection on your gorgeous self. Number 3, however, is beyond the pale. He should now buy you two drinks. Or more. And let you boink his wife. XOXO Violet
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:56 am
Well 1 and 2 are both gay, but at least 1 had a sense of humor (just kiddin #2 if your reading, but dang “world-classs”?). Number 3 was just mean, funny but mean.
And c’mon, friends are supposed to teas you. I am still getting crap for a slip of the lip 7 years ago from my best friend and his wife. They even share with any other friends of mine they can.
As for ego, in all honesty I hit this site almost daily because of how damn much fun it is. The content is funny but smart, and the hostess is sexy as hell.
Nuke };-
Off to wish I was a drunken Texan…
April 3rd, 2007 at 10:58 am
Nuke: wouldn’t you “encourage” me to avoid extra calories if you thought I’d boink you and your lovely wife if, and only if, I instantly lost weight?
April 3rd, 2007 at 12:04 pm
Since when do you give FREE world class blow jobs?
April 3rd, 2007 at 3:21 pm
yikes. I want to smack each and every one of them. You’re beautiful and you can give me a blow job any time you want ;O)
April 3rd, 2007 at 5:58 pm
Nightmare: what are you trying to say, you get what you pay for?
Funky: naaaah, they’re all good boys, just as good at dishing out the smartarsedness as me!
April 3rd, 2007 at 8:49 pm
With friends like you, who needs…anything?
Your punchline reminds me of a joke. A funny line a patient says to him proctologist during an exam:
“Let me know if you find my dignity in there, doc…”
April 5th, 2007 at 12:03 am
I notice that ALL of your friends tease you, or get teased by you about sex. No wonder no one moved around in YourPub much. All the fucking blue-balls!